I should start by saying, I am proud of how far I’ve come. I’m proud that I push myself to work so hard that I ache on an almost daily basis, and that I can feel muscles developing where there was just wobble before. And I’m proud that I am sticking to it, although I can’t see much progress.
But I’m so frustrated for that reason too. I plug away at the weight loss, and never seem to really get anywhere. This week, I weigh 2lb lower than I did the first weigh in of the year. Overall I’m just under 3 stone down, but I was so hoping to be back to my lowest weight in time for the festival, which would have been 2 stone 7 lighter than I am now, and it’s just not happened.
I’ve been trying to find clothes to fit me, ones that I will feel more comfortable in and not feel like I’m standing out like a sore thumb, but that’s not happened either. I’ve found things that are ok, look possibly more age and event appropriate, but have been on the verge of tears more than once when something makes me looks even bigger, or highlights the really wobbly, bulgy bits, or would look amazing on someone say, 3 stone lighter than me, but makes me look like the biggest flump in the world.
I do try hard, and I know I cheat, and I know I don’t give it 100%, but I see people who maybe work at the SW plan 50% of the time at the most, and never get off their arses and move and they plod along either maintaining or having a bit of a loss all the time. I’d say on average, given good and bad weeks, I stick to the plan about 70 – 80% of the time, and I think the level of activity I do beyond that should plug the gap! I do at least 3 hours of classes a week, 2 hours aqua, swim between 2 and 4 miles a week, plus add in gym and additional classes I pick up, you’re probably looking at about an average of 2 hours of activity a day!
I know the difference is I have a medical condition that makes it harder to lose weight, and so much easier to gain it, but I’m so fed up of telling myself that excuse. Something’s got to change, and I know I’m the only one that can do that.
The other frustration is 2 fold, one is my swim speed, which has become ridiculously slow, and I don’t know why, the other is my ability to injure myself with no effort at all on my part! Both this are huge annoyances, and both are things I’m not sure how to fix!