Must …. Find …. Motivation ….

I’ll admit it, I’m really really struggling to find the motivation to do the right thing, eat the right thing and actually get off my arse and move.

Its SO easy to find an excuse, and just slip a little bit off from my plans, and that’s that, gone for the day.  I’m working on it, and trying hard to stay motivated.  I’m planning on a proper exercise plan, one that’s not too daunting, and almost like starting from scratch.



Feeling Frustrated

I should start by saying, I am proud of how far I’ve come. I’m proud that I push myself to work so hard that I ache on an almost daily basis, and that I can feel muscles developing where there was just wobble before. And I’m proud that I am sticking to it, although I can’t see much progress.

But I’m so frustrated for that reason too. I plug away at the weight loss, and never seem to really get anywhere. This week, I weigh 2lb lower than I did the first weigh in of the year. Overall I’m just under 3 stone down, but I was so hoping to be back to my lowest weight in time for the festival, which would have been 2 stone 7 lighter than I am now, and it’s just not happened.

I’ve been trying to find clothes to fit me, ones that I will feel more comfortable in and not feel like I’m standing out like a sore thumb, but that’s not happened either. I’ve found things that are ok, look possibly more age and event appropriate, but have been on the verge of tears more than once when something makes me looks even bigger, or highlights the really wobbly, bulgy bits, or would look amazing on someone say, 3 stone lighter than me, but makes me look like the biggest flump in the world.

I do try hard, and I know I cheat, and I know I don’t give it 100%, but I see people who maybe work at the SW plan 50% of the time at the most, and never get off their arses and move and they plod along either maintaining or having a bit of a loss all the time. I’d say on average, given good and bad weeks, I stick to the plan about 70 – 80% of the time, and I think the level of activity I do beyond that should plug the gap! I do at least 3 hours of classes a week, 2 hours aqua, swim between 2 and 4 miles a week, plus add in gym and additional classes I pick up, you’re probably looking at about an average of 2 hours of activity a day!

I know the difference is I have a medical condition that makes it harder to lose weight, and so much easier to gain it, but I’m so fed up of telling myself that excuse. Something’s got to change, and I know I’m the only one that can do that.

The other frustration is 2 fold, one is my swim speed, which has become ridiculously slow, and I don’t know why, the other is my ability to injure myself with no effort at all on my part! Both this are huge annoyances, and both are things I’m not sure how to fix!

Heavy weights and heart attacks

So personal progress first. I’ve now got an awesome gym plan going on, higher levels on the cardio machines, so I’m sweating within about 3 mintues of getting in the gym, and I’ve been introduced to the dual mutli pulley. I slightly love that machine! It feels like a huge jump from where I was to using big boys weight machines! The idea is not to build muscles but to develop enough muscle so that I’m burning more fat even when I’m not exercising.

I’ve also started the sponsored swim. 70 lengths down, only another 1349 to go! Also got my 1 ½ stone certificate at group, so great as far as al that is going.

On to the less positive. Last Thursday my mother had a minor heart attack. Great shock all round, and a proper kick up the backside for all of us and a chance to really make a lifestyle change. Whilst I am really pushing myself and making an effort, I have been thinking for a while that I need to clean up my diet a lot, and eat a lot less processed and convenience food. As I will be cooking much better for mum, I may as well give my own food an overhaul! Lots more pulses, beans, vegetables and fresh food and a lot less sugar, packed food and nibbles.

If you have nothing nice to say ….

It amazes me that people think it’s ok to make comments about random strangers. Yes, I’m a plus sized runner/cyclist, that doesn’t make me fair game. From the humorous to the downright nasty, the people who make the comments are not the ones you would expect. Generally it is ladies of a certain age, usually with a random dog, or a grand child who then will go on in life thinking that its ok to say something nasty because someone is fat. At least I’m trying!

I was terrified the first time I ran again – and I use the word “run” only because there isn’t really a word that covers the wheezing, red, staggering lope that I adopted the first time – and was so pleased that literally no one saw me (going out at 6:30am on a rural cycle path will help with that one). On the one occasion that I’ve gone evening running I saw a group of young lads, who nodded at me, I hope in a sort of admiration that the fat girl had got off her arse and was actually moving. Those are the sorts I would expect the nastiness from, not the respectable elderly.

On the flip side, it has surprised me how supportive and encouraging the people you would least expect are. From the people who run the classes and gym, to total strangers who presumably one day were as unfit as I am. The upshot is that even if people want to level criticism at me, even if I run at a snails pace and struggle up hills on my bike, even if I look ridiculous and red bouncing up and down doing jacks in a class, at least I’m doing them!

A brief blog today, but a few great achievements I feel.

The lovely ladies (and gent) at my slimming group voted me as Woman of the Year last week. I got extremely emotional, and let’s be honest, was crying too much to actually say thank you! I have struggled so hard, for so long, to try and achieve my aims, it was a very emotional moment for me to find out that the people on the same journey as me find me inspirational. I don’t really feel I deserved it, but feel pretty humbled that I was given it. I have no real aspiration to be thin, but I want to be healthier, fitter, more active and happier with myself
Anyone nominated had to take photos and I can finally see a difference – I can’t see it in the mirror, but the differences between the new years eve photo and the one form last week are quite shocking ! Now, my boobs are bigger than my belly, always a good thing!

I’ve made huge improvements I think in recent weeks. I went on my first ever solo bike ride, and managed about 14 miles round trip, which isn’t too shabby! I achieved my goal of swimming a mile in 1 session – 64 whole lengths, and can actually run for 5 minutes none stop.

If I’m honest, I’m not holding out much hope of a loss this week, I managed 4.5lb last week so suspect that was a bit of a fluke, but I will run and swim in the morning ahead of weigh in and hope for the best!

C25k – and we’re up and running!

So I started the C25K program again today. I find running very, very hard, and if I’m honest delayed as long as I could before I started again! A couple of friends are encouraging me and saying they will run with me, but I’m nervous about doing group runs until I can actually manage by myself.

I downloaded the NHS choices app, which I have to say is fantastic. You can have your own playlist on (I recommend wholeheartedly! Awesome gym friendly versions of songs that you can make into your own continuous mixes!) and it lowers the volume at the right time and gives prompts for when to run or walk.

I was pleased that I found it easier this time than when I tried before, but then I suppose that might not be a surprise given I have generally increased fitness.

Basically you do 3 runs a week over a 9 week period. Week one is 60 seconds of running and 90 seconds of brisk walking. Week 2 will be 90 seconds of running and 2 minutes of walking, week 3 is 90 seconds running, 90 walking then 3 minutes running, 3 minutes walking. I’m slightly dreading week 3! By the end of the 9 weeks you’re meant to be able to run for 30 minutes none stop. The 9 weeks will take me to 23rd September, so 3 weeks short of my first proper running event.

Things to remember for my next run:
1)Hand held water bottle. This is a must as I was nearly dead by the end!
2)Towelling wrist bands. Nuff said!
3)Sun cream! Even at 7am the sun was stupidly hot and bright, and I don’t tan, I burn!

Slimmer of the Week. Really??

So a fairly huge scale side victory today. A totally undeserved 2.5lb off and the Slimmer of the Week award. I won’t list the reasons I didn’t deserve this, but suffice it to say I wasn’t expecting it. It is a bit of a boost though, and has meant that I am determined to be really good this week and try and get another loss.

My hope is that my medication has finally sorted itself out and will let me have my body back! I will be very happy if that’s the case!

Exercise is still going well, I’ve actually managed to start kicking when I swim, it’s still a struggle and has reduced my length time from 28-30 seconds down to 34-36 but hopefully that’s short term!